Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
