Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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