I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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