I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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