i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
