I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
