he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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