R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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