We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
