Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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