I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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