Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
