i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
