i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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