you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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