Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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