Do you still have your period?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
