Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
