It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
