when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
