I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is not my ceiling
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
