I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
