Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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