New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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