Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
