Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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