OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
