I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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