so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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