and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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