and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i will never coherently bang her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
