'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
