He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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