i don't like sucking hair
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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