we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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