Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
