I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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