I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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