if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
