i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
