oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
