literally had 100 drinks last night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
