Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
