When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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