I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
