I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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