when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
