It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
