also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
