can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is wine microwaveable?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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