I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
