do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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