but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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