My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
