I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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